Present Tense

The narrative is written everyday in the small,
the simple, and the common."
~Author Unknown

When I was drunk I lived my life in the past tense. Always looking back wondering why things did not go my way; the promotion or the relationship were always just out of reach.  Today I know that my Alcoholic thinking was with me long before I took my first drink. In fact, Alcoholic thinking permeated everything I touched. By the time I met, and fell in love with Alcohol, it was the only thing that could ease the ache of my obsessive mind. I became a daily drinker to eliminate the warped thinking that "if only x would happen" my whole life would be better. I did not stop looking to the past to shape my future until I did the Steps and the hard work of therapy, were I uncovered some of the faulty thinking I had developed in my childhood.

Today I am aware that my future happiness depends on the actions and the people with whom I engage. Our narrative lies in the gestures of kindness and grace that lie at our Recovery doorstep. When I open the door on a daily basis my narrative is rich and without regret. When I don't write my life in the present tense, I fall victim of "morbid reflection."

Personal Journals 2015 - 2017 | Published September 24, 2012