Imperfectly Whole

"We shall not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it," were words I actually used to get angry about when I heard them.

It took years for me to understand that, with the work outlined in the 12 Steps, I could actually come to feel this way too!  In fact, the longer I was sober and the more I put off the work, I had glimpses of how failing to look honestly at my past was ruining my present life. Paulo Coelho's quote and picture remind me that when we do the work of the 4th Step, we find out the patterns that damaged our relationships with others and the world around us.  I came to see and believe, sometimes reluctantly, that I was actually illuminating those dark corners in a way that would light my path forward.  In doing this I came out of the dark and was able, with God's help, to turn my deficits into assets.  

More importantly, I have learned that there can be no light without darkness. We all have good and bad in us, pros and cons we face in our lives, and these are the things that make us human.  We do not need to be perfect, just imperfectly whole.  It is easy to see now how I missed the point so many times when I was trying to be perfect and trying to make others that way too.  Carl Jung helped the founders Bill W. and Dr. Bob see that if we did not "embrace our shadows" we would never be free.  So in my 7th Step I ask God to take all of me, unedited.  It is my whole being that he takes and makes useful.

What are you doing to accept yourself as you are?  Let go of your perfectionism; if you take a risk maybe you will discover something new about yourself that is beyond your wildest dreams. Today I do not regret my past, because the patterns I have identified, with my sponsor, allow me to avoid past mistakes and build a new foundation for living.

Personal Journals | Published June 28, 2012