I Remember Why

I remember...
itching, scratching, compulsively counting, paranoid thinking, pacing the room, hearing voices and talking back, feelings of hopelessness and despair.

I remember...
sneaking down the alley to buy liquor, switching liquor stores to avoid the label "drunk," drinking every night until passing out, wanting to stop but knowing I couldn't,  switching drinks for affect, and feeling like my head would explode if I didn't drink.

I remember...
alcohol was my solution to everything because without it my head would surely explode.

I remember...
learning Alcohol was only a symptom of my problem.

I remember...
denying that my life was unmanageable and that I was powerless over Alcohol.

I remember...
accepting that I was an Alcoholic.

I remember...
because to forget is to die drunk.

I remember...
because that day my life began
when I finally asked for help.

(placed first calls for help March 17, 19, and 20 - 1991)

Personal Journals | Published March 20, 2013